I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
