so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
