if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
