tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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