Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
