Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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