belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
