i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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