I accidentally had phone sex last night
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
