that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
