Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
