Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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