This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
