Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
