i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
