My liver just broke up with me...
her vagine was all disorganized.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
