when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
