and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Four minutes until I can fart!
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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