I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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