I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
