she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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