shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Randomize
