I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
