Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
