I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
