my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
