you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
