i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
