Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
