What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
