Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
