I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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