Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
