I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
How naked do you want me to be?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
