i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
