i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
