I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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