the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
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