There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
