I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
