My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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