I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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