SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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