My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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