I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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