Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
false alarm, still single
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