Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I could fuck to npr.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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