she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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