Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
