It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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