and you said cock pushups were impossible
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
