somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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