Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
