I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Text me some of your sweat
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
